Ask the waiter for their 'hottest curry' then grin, smirk and say under you breath (but so he can hear you) 'I doubt it'll be hot enough for me though'! Sit back await your meal, eat and take the pain...
My favourite is a dish called large mixed shashlik which is lamb and chicken tikka onions mushrooms peppers and mixed spices comes served on sizzling platter and i always get a madras sauce for dipping and a garlic nan. Mmmmm got me dribbling now