With humans as unlikable and dumb as this, who minds extinction?

fedor8

score /10

The zombie genre has been bled dry, nothing new there; there is literally nothing new anyone can eke anymore out of it to make another great zombie flick. I certainly haven't seen a good zombie flick in over a decade. Instead of being creative by coming up with new creepy concepts, the vast majority of "film-makers" are content to milk the last molecules out of zombie and vampire genres.

Only two adults (at the outset) are left in the world – yet they don't talk. That's a whole new level of dumb they're trying to sell, just so they can do injustice to that overrated movie term called "dramatic conflict". The notion that these two guys won't talk due to something that occurred eons ago, regarding some floozy from years back, is too stupid. It just doesn't wash. No matter what argument or hatred is going on between grown men, an extraordinary situation such as a zombapocalypse should have brought them together, at least to the point where they can talk and grudgingly co-operate. Beggars can't be choosers, yet the writer thinks they can. People forgive each other under much less stressful conditions, when they don't have to, let alone in an unpopulated, frozen wasteland in which co-operation is essential to survival.

What's with this "double whammy" apocalypse anyway? We've got a zombapocalypse AND a new ice age! I'd be curious to know WHY a zombie virus would cause such a radical shift in global temperature. Any explanations, movie? No explanation. Movie refuses to discuss this matter with me. Movie knows it's wrong. Movie is a dummie.

If anything, there should be global warming, not an ice age. Here's why: since zombies eat much more than humans (bless their wicked metabolism) – and yet remain skinny – this means they must do the brownie much more often than humans. The logical conclusion is that they fart more – which in turn would make the planet warmer, not colder. Am I right or am I right?

Nor can I accept the fact that TWO major events occur at the SAME day, after nine years of relative monotony: first the hippie gets attacked by a new breed of zombie, only to be contacted by radio minutes later - for the FIRST TIME in nine years – by another survivor. That's coincidenceitatis being brought to a level of absurdity that's an insult to viewers, even zombie viewers many of whom are not unlike the movie's zombies themselves.

It gets better. The little girl, who had been obedient for so many years, not leaving the grounds as ordered, suddenly decided it was OK to go for a NIGHT stroll – only a day after seeing a zombie for the first time! So let me get this right, movie: BEFORE seeing any "live" zombies, the girl didn't have that much interest in venturing outside, but as soon as she witnessed a zombie attack her neighbour, she somehow found that ENCOURAGING? "Hmmm, I used to think it wasn't safe leaving the house, but now that I've seen an alien-looking, deformed, vicious zombie with huge teeth attack another human right in front of my eyes – to which I reacted with shock, dismay and disgust - now I guess it's OK to go out. It's much safer out there with a zombie on the loose." Great logic, movie. Are we to believe all 9 year-olds are completely retarded, devoid of even the most basic survival instincts?

Still, at least she isn't dumb enough to have herself locked up in a basement; but that's precisely what her guardian does. There's hardly an experienced film fan that didn't see THAT stupid plot-device leading to the girl's endangerment.

Just exactly who or what threatens our less-than-merry bunch? A bunch of freakin' gollums, that's what. In recent years a dull fad has engulfed the world of horror flicks, a fad that is making many of them a lot less interesting: the gollum trend. We've seen gollum-like monsters in the overrated "Descent", we've seen them in "The Hallow", in "From the Dark", and many other recent monster movies. Must we have the SAME kind of monsters in every film?

Besides, if these zombie gollums evolved during the new ice age, shouldn't they have grown fur at least? No: the movie thinks it makes more sense to make them totally hairless! Now, that's a logical evolution right there. Darwin would be laughing his ass off. Clearly, American screenwriters have devolved to the state of an amoeba, because so few of them think anymore. Horror, fantasy, and sci-fi films are getting dumber with every new generation of devolved film-makers.

It mystifies me why the survivors have to resort to hand-to-hand combat with the gollums when they'd previously armed themselves to the hilt. And when they do finally get to shoot the gollums, they run out of ammo! I mean, here we have a world in which time is the one commodity the humans have in abundance, yet they never actually bothered to make sure they have sufficient supplies of ammunition. This is the kind of nonsense I'm talking about, a clear indicator that screenwriters have devolved from average morons who made average movies in the 40s and 50s to the sub-par imbeciles who never run through a script more than 2-3 times before submitting it to some daft director.

fedor8 9 May 2016

Reprint: https://www.imdb.com/review/rw3466190/