A poorly-conceived movie about a minor dance fad in which almost nothing makes sense

Clams

I saw this movie on one of my local cable channels with a cousin who was staying over at my house once around 1991 or so. I enjoyed watching it as I enjoyed watching just about everything when I was ten years old, but in retrospect, it is a poorly-shot, acted and written nonsensical mess about a dance craze that lasted for about five minutes that looked like it had been shot in two weeks (which, considering it was in theaters about six weeks after it was written, it probably was). This review contains spoilers so you'll know everything and avoid having to see it. Incidentially, if anybody wonders how I remember so much about this movie having only seen it once, I have a good memory (and believe me, I'd like to forget it).

The basic plot, what there is of it, involves Nisa, a Brazillian jungle Princess whose father sends her and the tribe's witch doctor, Joa, to Los Angeles to crusade against the multinational corporation, Petramco, which wants to burn down the rain forest (yes, the WHOLE rain forest). From here, however, the writers seemed like they either wanted the movie to be taken lighter than director Greydon Clark filmed it to be or had a few too many shots of hard liquor over the ten day span in which this was written. Joa is taken into custody, for what I'm not sure, and Nisa needs money to help her crusade, so she meets a kind maid, Carmen, who helps her get a job as a maid to an obnoxious, racist Beverly Hills family, the Andersons, a typical rich family, although like everything else here, how they make their living is never made clear.

There, she meets their son, Jason, who appears to have been written as a twenty-four or twenty-five year old and casted as a thirty-four year old. Jason and Nisa begin a romance within knowing each other for about two or three hours, which, considering Jason has no job and all he does is dance all night, is hard to swallow. Jason takes her to his favorite night spot and introduces her to his other racist friends. His ex-girlfriend Ashley shows up and from that point on, stalks them because she's an even bigger loser than Jason, so she loves him. Jason's parents lecture him about fraternizing with the new maid... Well, partially, but Mom's big issue was that this Brazillian hottie was wearing her dress when she went out with him and she doesn't want her perspiration soaking into the fabric. He gets angry and finds Nisa has left. He uncovers her later working at a brothel, which she not only accepts but remains untainted in when Jason comes to rescue her. Yeah, whatever. When the brothel's signature Heidi Fleiss and her black bodyguard discover her trying to leave, the bodyguard beats up Jason. Joa arrives after they let him out of jail. What is he, a witch doctor and a psychic? Nisa fills Jason in on the rain forest thing and they resolve to enter this TV dance contest which if they win, they will be able to speak and address this issue, which they do, despite the intervention of Petramco's hired gun, Benjamin Maxwell, and Ashley, whose father is some kind of partner of his (I don't remember entirely, I only remember it made no sense). The end.

Folks, take my word for it, this is one of the worst films I've ever seen. It takes such weird twists that in the end, nothing about it makes sense at all. It was written and filmed hurriedly and you can tell. But the thing is, considering the plot and script, if this movie had been made by an A-list director for about fifty million bucks, it still would have been godawful. Mostly because it has actors who seem like they've never acted before and preys on the most insulting racial stereotypes imaginable. Every white person is a bigot, every foreigner is naive, and most of the characters are not only bad people, they're also just plain stupid. But so's the movie, so who cares? The only way I can recommend this is if you gather a bunch of your buddies and a couple of six packs one rainy Friday night and have your very own Mystery Science Theater 3000. That way, it's fun to watch. On a casual viewing, you'll pass right by it, as well you should.

score 1/10

Clams 12 June 2005

Reprint: https://www.imdb.com/review/rw1100998/