Return to the Blue Lagoon -- Bad films coming full circle

jonathanruano

I can only think of one thing more incomprehensible than making a movie from a bad script and that is for a filmmaker to base his idea for a movie on another movie that is terrible. Normally directors try to rip off good movies, like the guy who directed "The Italian Connection" based on the "The French Connection" (good thinking because sometimes Americans confuse the French and the Italians), or the other fellow who directed the porno "American Booty" based on Sam Mendes' "American Beauty." And if all else fails, do a sequel like "Jaws II" based on the good "Jaws" or "Exorcist II" based on the great "Exorcist." I could go on, except I will be going off track and forgetting to tell you about the time when they decided to make the terrible "Return of the Blue Lagoon" based on the terrible "Blue Lagoon" which must have had the makers of sequels and rip offs scratching their heads.

The problem with "Return to the Blue Lagoon" is the same as the last film. It is not about anything. It seems that the filmmakers felt, in spite of the bad critical reception of the first Blue Lagoon, that an exotic island and two teenagers discovering sex and then fornicating (though we see none of that) was enough to create an entertaining film. Of course, the filmmakers did a little tweaking for this film. There is the sad background story which explains how the two kids got stuck on the island, like the last two kids. Who says that Carl Orff's Carmina Burana does not have any influence over film-making. There is also an egg competition, an encounter with a native, a seductive English girl from the outside and a lascivious sailor. But other than that, Lilli (Milla Jovovich) and Richard (Brian Krause) go through the same motions as Brooke Shields and Christopher Atkins as though they were destined to live the exact same lives as the previous couple on the island. What "Return to the Blue Lagoon" really is, if you think about it, is an unsexy pornographic movie for kids; a stage for kids to go through before they see the softcore and hardcore porn films. But even based on that sordid criteria, "Return to the Blue Lagoon" fails because even the sleaziest, worst acted pornos at least do something to your libido. "Return to the Blue Lagoon" does nothing because it has all the bad acting you would expect from a porno without any of any of the great sex (not least because the actors are underage). So if you are interested in a movie where a couple have lots of great sex on a deserted tropical island, watch Lina Wertmueller's "Swept Away by a Mysterious Destiny in the Blue Sea of August" instead. It has gorgeous pictures of a tropical paradise, far better acting, and you won't feel dirty and guilty by the end of the film because the actors, Giancarlo Giannini and Mariangela Melato, were both in their thirties (though they look like in the their twenties) at the time of filming.

score 3/10

jonathanruano 22 March 2010

Reprint: https://www.imdb.com/review/rw2224524/