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Hey, kids! Guess what? Our favorite worst director is back! James "The Crazy Guy" Nguyen is back in town with the sequel of the most shockingly stupid film "Birdemic" called "Birdemic 2: The Resurrection". And guess what? This one is amazingly bad too and it's not far away from the first one. It's basically the same story all over again, but the birds appeared in kind of
different way
James Nguyen
probably the guy who suffers from some mental disease
he still thinks, even today
that he made a big hit film! More like
big hit failure. Please
don't finance him anymore, whenever you see Nguyen on the doorway of your studio, don't open
or run! I won't deny that I had a good time watching 'Birdemics' with my friends, but, it's time to stop this
OK, now let's dive into the film. Check out the names of the studios
"Chill" and "I got the fish movies"
oh
the good old names for movie studio
you know "The Devil's Testicle Movies", "Sugar Pimple Pictures" and so on
Again, you don't know
are you watching documentary or a porn? Or a documentary about making porn. There's nothing much to say, except that is pretty much same as the first film, we have some new characters and we a have a bunch of old ones from the first one. Alan Bagh (or as I like to call him, the actor of steel, because he gave us the most chilling and the most unemotional, inhuman performance, I still think that he is a robot! Programmed by Nguyen!) and Whitney Moore (the girl with the plastic performance, but here
she looked kind of like she didn't have a proper sleep for a few days
I think that she was bored, quite uninterested in her performance) are here! Yep, Rod and Nathalie are here, and
they obviously do not remember anything about the events from the first film
They didn't say anything, literally nothing about the first film. Like it never happened! What a hell?! The two new characters are Bill and Gloria. Bill is played by Thomas Favaloro, this guy's acting is like
well, he looks like a handsome, retarded tool. Acting is zero. Gloria is played by Chelsea Tumbo, acting is silly, her character (like all of them, actually) is dumb, she was just a dumb, beautiful mannequin. The first part of the movie, before the bird attack, the entire plot revolves mostly around them
so what about Rod and Nathalie? What is their purpose here? To compete? What!? We also have Dr. Johns, again on the bridge
explaining something about eagles in prehistoric times
I say 'something' because I couldn't hear him properly, because audio is freakin' low
the movie is like a video game, you need to set voice audio little higher
for f**k sake
The tree hugger is also here, and he found his mate, he looks even creepier here, with his Crispin Glover face
and still gives the same explanation about global warming
oh for f**k sake
again the environment message
because of this film
I just want to kill every bird in the world and cut all the trees
with fire and incendiary bombs! Nathalie's mother Nancy is also back, played by the same actress
and we didn't hear anything about her in the first film, after the bird attack, did she died, did she hide and survive, she come out of nowhere, without any explanation
I mean
characters in this film are living by some porn logic
only without fuc**ng
And the character of Bill Stone is also here (the guy who says "for a billion dollars in the first film") and plays a movie producer, by the same name, his character in the first film was a
director of the firm in which Rod worked, or something like that
and somehow
these characters
they are just magical! So unusual! So
dumb.
So
the story is pretty much the same
Bill and Gloria are our new characters and they are getting to know each other better, they date, they enjoy, they have sex
blah blah, and after that
the birds attack. Always after sex. Which makes me wonder
Were Nathalie and Gloria virgins? Because after the sex scenes in the first and in this film
the birds attack
it somehow gives me this idea that they were virgins
and remember how in some old films, the leading virgin girl is not supposed to be hurt
but here
the birds waited for that intimate moment and they attacked. OK, but that is just a funny idea
forget what I said. Then we have an unexplained 'red rain', or maybe blood rain that somehow resurrect caveman and cave woman to do
nothing. Absolutely nothing. We also have zombies! Zombies! Yeah, why the f**k not?! Obviously, Nguyen is a fan of "Walking Dead"
well, being the most popular zombie drama at this moment. So, it's just the amazing ride through the film
Lord, have mercy
the budget was just incy wincy bigger than before, but it was poorly used again
poor audio, poor home camera, poor script
the CGI
oh, see the film if you want to know what I am talking about. My favorite scene is jumbo jellyfish scene
that girl
that was definitely a porn actress
her manners, oh, they were so porn like, I expected a good hardcore f**k on the beach.
So, here you go
the movie is just unexplained, mental adventure, and I suggest you get high or drunk, or both before watching it. The only positive thing about this film and the first one
it can make you laugh. And remember, laughter is a very healthy thing.
score 1/10
swedzin 9 August 2013
Reprint: https://www.imdb.com/review/rw2847653/ |
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9-3-2021 00:06:10