One of the worst movies I've ever seen!

bastille-852-731547

score 1/10

I just got back from seeing this and it's honestly one of the worst movies I've ever seen. I knew it wasn't going to be brilliant, but I like Johnny Depp and thought it would be at least a fun, bumbling action-comedy, a genre that is a 'guilty pleasure' of mine. It's hard to decide where to start when pointing out the flaws of a dreadful movie like this, but I'll first start by saying that the writing is horrendous. The lazy writers decided to use the same jokes not once, not twice, but several times because they can't think of anything better to write! The line 'show me your balls' is used at least 3-5 times and while it was sort of funny the first time, it starts to get INCREDIBLY tedious and repetitive after that. The same goes with Mortdecai's wife gagging when they try to kiss. That happens 3-5 times as well and is even the final shot of the movie as well! The rest of the humor is mostly slapstick-based, which would have been fine if it wasn't so painfully obvious what was coming. For example, in one scene Mortdecai is sword fighting a man and he ends up on the ground with a large box suspended from a wire up above. The man takes the sword and cuts the rope and the box almost 'traps' Mortdecai. And in one ridiculous scene when the writers didn't know how to end it, people attending a party with food poisoned by the villain, despite being in plain view of the villain poisoning the food, eat it and vomit profusely, including onto a moving car's windshield. The remaining jokes are painfully dumb as well and are basically showcases of the complete stupidity of Mortdecai's character. For example, he walks into a hotel in Los Angeles and sees people in bikinis and claims that he accidentally went to the set of a porno. Then he checks in at the reception desk and gets handed a room key and claims that the U.S. is in financial troubles because anyone who checks in at a hotel receives a credit card like he supposedly just did. The story is really dull and never really comes together, and even worse, the so-called twist can be guessed miles away. Overall, "Mortdecai" is an embarrassingly bad comedy that tries to be funny, but the horrible quality of the movie is the real joke. One of the worst movies I've ever seen!

bastille-852-731547 22 January 2015

Reprint: https://www.imdb.com/review/rw3168298/