|
|
Dear Godzilla,
Once again, I feel compelled to remind you that, regardless of your Toho contract you do not have to sign up for every single piece of tripe they toss at you. I am sure that the idea of getting your son his first major role was an important selling point, but did you even read the script (assuming there was one) before you agreed to get involved with this? By the way, Gadzuki was quite adorable and played his part with real conviction. I thought the scene you culled from your home movies with him scorching his toe while practicing fire-breathing was a real cute kick! And your female lead, the spectacularly beautiful Megumi Odaka, with whom you have made so many films, is always worth staying up until 3AM to see. Why you and Megumi can't ever seem to make a film worthy of your combined talents, however, is very hard to comprehend.
Let me see if I got this right. A mass of crystals with a very small lizard (he looked about 2cm long while hurdling through space) looking vaguely like you lands on your island home and disrupts your family life, imprisoning your son and committing other rude acts. Another very small creature, this one looking like a defective Transformer action figure (Moguera) from the 1980s, has a duel in space with the little crystal lizard thing and suffers one of about 7 humiliating defeats, returning home with its scorched little mechanical tail between its legs. Oh, and somehow both of these are not only your size, but the space critter no longer has an entire carapace of crystals attached to his back when he arrives on earth. Meanwhile, a few inept military officers and government employed scientists are trying to either kill you or work out a way to telepathically control you. As the space impostor then begins the usual rampage through Tokyo, you begin your attack on him, and Moguera joins in, crashing and burning several times and even separating its own legs from its torso! Oh ya, I almost forgot, Mothra and the twins (or, as it seems this time "mothra/the twins") also show up a few times for no apparent reason.
I have a few questions.
Why didn't you invite Ghidorah, or maybe King Kong? This could have really been a family reunion.
Was your son traumatized by this? Is this film the reason why he is rarely seen in public today?
What has Megumi been doing lately, besides appearing at a couple of your fan conventions? Do you keep in touch?
Have you at least managed to put your foot down at... errrr... I mean "on" Toho's studios yet? If so, why didn't that scene make the final cut?
Please keep in mind my ever-open invitation to come to America and wreak revenge on Hollywood for their plagiaristic and disrespectful hiring of an understudy for that recent film they used your name for. As I've said before, large retired actors have unlimited prospects for employment in the state of California, and just think of the reforms you could enact on the film industry as governor! Yours affectionately,
score 2/10
mstomaso 3 April 2005
Reprint: https://www.imdb.com/review/rw1053290/ |
|
12-3-2021 00:07:06