"The Internet will teach you the wrong things about sex"

sportybeepbeep

Yes. The Internet will teach you many wrong things about sex. And that is explained frequently in the movie. A movie that - oh, the irony - will teach you many wrong things about dating and courting.

The plot. Haley Joel Osment plays a loser who can't get the teaching job of his dreams. So, naturally, he invades the teaching recruitment office and demands the job. He is not escorted out by security, and gets assigned to a school in the Cuban part of Tampa. He decides to teach sex ed during detention. Cue the typical reaction from the kids, whom, by the way, seem to be of various ages in the same class. First they are confused, then they grow to love him. Feel your cliché meter going into red? What else do we need? Antagonist? Yes, let's have one of the kids' parents be a reverend, opposed to sexual education in school. Sage advice? Cue bar woman/landlady who knows all the ins and outs of life, love, sex, and being a man, and muscular "bro" former flatmate with a good heart. Love interest? Let's have the hottie sister of one of the students develop an interest in a guy that, erm, stutters and makes awkward, borderline creepy, talk the first time he sees her, gets invited to dinner at her family's house, and pukes on her mom's breast, invites her out the second after she says she and her cartoonish latino low-rider driving bad boy boyfriend are giving it time, plays her the oboe (yes, the oboe) badly to apologize for giving her brother condoms, and...you get the idea.

I know, we have seen it many times in movies. No matter how uncool, uncharismatic, downright dweebish, and speech-impeded a guy is, for some reason the hot girl will always react to his phrases with, at least, a giggle. But the interaction between Haley Joel Osment and Lorena Izzo had me shouting at the screen. He does absolutely nothing that would ingratiate any girl to him, let alone someone who is obviously attracted to the "cool" type. And to make it worse, when she basically implores him to have sex with her, at the end, we discover that she wants, "My Fair Lady"-style, to make him cool! So, you fell for the uncool, dadbod guy, and now you want to make him cool? I think someone's been DJing with your brain cells, Pilar!

And you know what? He doesn't want to have sex right there and then. No, of course not. He wants it to be "special". Reminds me of a friend of mine who used to always want the "perfect" moment, and passed on amazing chances. Only he regretted it afterwards, instead of turning into The Coolest Sex-Ed Teacher in The World! Ever! So, Lorena dumps him because he does not have sex with her? No matter, cause we see his new love interest in the last scene. Dropped with all the subtlety of 10000 elephants. And you're wondering what happened to the reverend? Can you say "Motivational Speech that changes his mind"? The only saving grace is that he did not have sex with the bar woman/landlady, as the "do it with an ugly woman" first.

Seriously, one of the worst films I have ever seen. And it should get an adults only rating. Because I pity the kids, or even young adults, who see it, and think this is the way to go about courting a woman. Jokes? What, were there any?

score 1/10

sportybeepbeep 18 December 2016

Reprint: https://www.imdb.com/review/rw3601966/